Funny Lawyer Gaffs is this week’s Mystery Question because I thought with this terrible time change, we could all use a laugh or two.
But first the photo and verse. The photo was on the jump drive I found…it’s one I took on a cruise with my literary agency before Covid. While the picture is beautiful, it doesn’t do the beauty of the ocean and the sky and clouds justice. Even now, peace fills me as I remember that day.
The verse is what I call a breath prayer. Breathe in God is our refuge and strength. Breathe out and ever present help in trouble. Try it the next time you are feeling stressed and anxious.
Now for last week’s More Crazy Laws #68. As usual, three are true and one is false. Can you guess which one?
- You can’t sell cat or dog hair here. (NJ)
- In this state you can’t ride your mule down Main Street in one city, but you can in another. (MS)
- Here, you can’t marry the same man more than 3 times.
- Want to send a pizza as a surprise? Don’t do it here as you may be subjected to a $500 fee. (LA)
And the answer is…#3. Congrats to all who guessed correctly.
Now for this week’s Mystery Question–Funny Lawyer Gaffs. As usual, three are true and one is false. Can you guess which one?
- Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.|
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years. - Q: The new deputy DA handling a drunk driving case meant to ask the jaded expert witness about his qualifications. This is what he asked instead: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A. Yes.
Q. And how long have you been so qualified?
A. Since I was a baby. - Q: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
- Police officer on the witness stand:
Q. You testified that the defendant bit off the victim’s finger. Isn’t it true you were in your police vehicle and could not see the defendant bite off the victim’s finger?
A: Yes, I have to admit that is true.
Q: Therefore, how did you identify my client as the finger-biter?”
A. I saw him spit it out.
Okay Super Sleuths, which one of these scenarios really happened in a court of law? Leave your answers in the comments and I’ll enter you in a March drawing for a book from my library.
And now for everyone who has ever been tempted to give up, watch the following:
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Comments 51
Beautiful photo. I’m going with #2.
Author
Thanks, Diana! I’m glad you enjoyed the photo. We’ll see next week if it’s #2.
All funny – #3.
Author
I thought they were funny, too, Mary. We’ll see…
#4
Author
We’ll see, Charlotte!
I laughed the hardest at number 3, so that’s my guess. The Wottle race was amazing; never give up!
Author
I watched the video several time, amazed at how he crept up on the others. We’ll see if it’s Funny #3…
Great photo. I think it’s #3
Author
Thanks, Martha. We’ll see…
I hope you made up #3, but they’re all whacky!
Author
Number 3 is very popular, Delores…we’ll see.
#3
Author
We’ll see, Linda!
Love that photo and verse, Pat.
Good thing I didn’t have a mouth full of orange juice when I read those quotes by brilliant lawyers!
#1. Sometimes, it’s the witness that just so brilliant.
#2. Well, duh. Is that attorney qualified to practice law?
#3. Did this one buy his degree on-line?
#4. Ah, but did he bite it off in the first place?
I’ve got to say you made up #4.
Author
These were the most fun ever, Tim. It was hard to choose which ones to use…so I may do more next week. We’ll see next week if it’s #4.
That photo. . . .I had to keep scrolling back to it before I could write. SOooo peaceful it’s its rugged form. Wow!
As one who literally struggles to breathe, I love what you wrote about breathing in, “God is our refuge and strength and exhaling an ever present help in trouble.” I sure am going to apply this! Thank YOU!
Thank was a very encouraging video. . .and 50 years later still being talked about. Quite a legacy.
Gracious, get a new lawyer! Going with #2!
See you soon!!!
Author
Yes, looking forward to seeing you this weekend, Barbara at our MidSouth Christian Writers Conference! I’m glad you enjoyed the photo and breathing exercise. 🙂 We’ll see next week if it’s #2…
#4
#3?
Author
Number 3 is very popular, Barbie D. We’ll see…
Yeah, I could sit there on the rocks and enjoy that scene for hours. I think my troubles would just slip into the background while I enjoyed the natural world that God created.
1. Some people just have a way of making you feel that they have been around much longer than they actually have.
2. I don’t think that witness was at all jaded. Was he supposed to assume that the DA meant to ask something else and respond to what he thought the DA was trying to ask? Just answer the question.
3. It appears the doctor either did not know how to answer or was simply floored by such a stupid question.
4. Was the defendant so dumb that they waited for the officer to get out of the vehicle and approach before supposedly spitting out a finger? I think this is made up. The officer’s responses seem fake.
Thanks for sharing the video.
Author
Love your logic as always, Edward! We’ll see…
#2
Author
Hi Patricia…we’ll see…
#3
Author
Hi Mary! We’ll see next week if it’s #3.
That is a fantastic shot of the water! It makes me want to go sit by the ocean for a while. I had never seen the video before; amazing example of not giving up. Thanks for sharing it.
The fact that all of these scenarios could actually be real is just a testament to the humanity of lawyers while it makes me shake my head. I’m going to go with #4 as my guess.
Author
I agree Diane, to both wanting to sit by the ocean for a while and about the lawyers. 🙂 We’ll see next week if it’s #4…
Gorgeous photo, Pat!
#4
Author
Thanks, Caryl! I loved that shot. We’ll see next week if it’s #4…
Wow! Beautiful photo! Ps: 46:1 is a favorite verse.
Thanks for the laughs Pat. All of these struck my “funny” bone!
#2
Author
I thought they were funny, too, Mary G! We’ll see…
#3 is my guess
Author
Hi Shelia! Number 3 is very popular…we’ll see…
I am guessing #2 this week.
Author
Hi Gloria! We’ll see next week…
I will go with #4… Emily – cwkuen(at)yahoo(dot)com
Author
Hi Emily! Number 4 is getting almost as popular as #3…we’ll see.
1
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Hwy, BN! We’ll see…
Gorgeous photo! I’ll guess #3 this week.
Author
Thanks, Megan! We’ll see next week if it’s #3.
I am going with #4. Thanks for making me laugh.
Author
So glad you liked them, Sharon! We’ll see…
The picture is really beautiful. The verse fits it perfectly. God truly is our refuge and strength! I like these new questions. I hope you post more of them. They are all really funny. I’m going to guess #4.
Author
Thank you, Erika! I plan on posting more lawyer quips…I think we all need a good laugh. We’ll see next week if it’s #4.
I’m guessing #3 this week. Love any photos of the ocean, my happy place.
Author
The ocean is my happy place too…and mountains. lol We’ll see next week if it’s #3.
It has to be 4, right??
Author
A lot of readers think so, Hannah…we’ll see…